i went to a lesbian night and all i got was this AWESOME wristband

I went, with one of my friends (female- and yes it does matter), to a lesbian night last night. Obviously it was like being at an orgy. It wasn't, it was exactly how you'd expect a lesbian night to be: a lot of girls, the lesbians, hanging around dancing and occasionally kissing. As we all know porn is misleading and massively misrepresentative of lesbians, women, men, sex and dwarfs, so it didn't turn into an orgy where the erstwhile lesbians had a life changing epiphany and all wanted, no, needed to fuck me. All of them. At the same time. I wasn't disappointed, I was knackered- it would have finished me off.

Anyway I was pretty drunk, danced around like a prat and got even more drunk. The sexiest thing to happen was me taking a piss in the urinal while chatting to my friend (female- again it does matter) as she luxuriated on a chaise longue. Why there was a chaise longue in the boys toilets is beyond me, perhaps so people can luxuriate while someone takes a piss into the urinal.

It was a good night though, from what I can remember. What is better than my flakey memories, however, is the AWESOME wristband I got on entry. Look at it, how fucking great is that? Playtime. Plaaaaaaaaaaytime. What time is it? Playtime. Brilliant, this thing is worth the £7 entry fee alone. Plus it comes with a story, in reality not a great one but saying "Oh this? I got it on entry to a lesbian night I went to" and nothing more people, with even the blandest of imagination, will assume that it was pornesquely awesome.

So if you ever see me: ask me the time. Because it's Playtime, and always will be.

brian caissie- the vault 1995-2006

I really wish I had my skateboard still...

just because it's not your custom, it doesn't mean you have to sign a petition to end it

I'm outraged, publicly! First Baby P, then MP's expenses and now the mass produced plastic trumpet, where will it end?!

Public outrage comes in many flavors, this one is Diet Outrage, the kind that everyone's talking about, but no one get's fired and/or hung for. Nonetheless it's still as annoying. The players I get, the residents I get, the officials I get, but the fan watching in his living room 2000 miles away is not someone who needs to be getting outraged by the sound of a Vuvuzela. So, please World, chill out.

ugh, I'm back. and so are DEVO.

Ok it's hard for me to give a balanced review of DEVO because I love them so much, maybe more than life itself. Seriously though, when I heard that after 20 years of inactivity these New Wave mentalists were making a new album I was worried I might cum in my pants. Lukily for those sharing my tube ride to work this morning that didn't happen, but "Something For Everybody" is AMAZING.

"Credibility" and "The 80s" rarely go together, especially when you're talking about pop music. At a glance DEVO epitomise all that is hated about pop music in the 80s; the synthesizers, the costumes, the stupidity. Luckily for us though they had that indescribably creditability of people who truly believed they weren't being fucking ridiculous, and you have to respect that- look at Bowie. And all this has flowed over from 20 years ago into their new album, which, I may have mentioned, is amazing.

"Something For Everybody" hasn't lost that 80s New Waveyness that DEVO are known for, it's still there in bucket-loads, but has been refined and polished so you know you're not just listening to the same old pap from 20 years ago repackaged. The best thing about this album is it makes Calvin Harris look totally incompetent, I mean he already comes off as a talentless arse, but this album really hammers home the fact that you can pastiche the 80s without being a fucking joke. This album is so typically DEVO, it's well thought out and produced and has such a unique sound to it that it's totally unmistakable with it's almost child like social commentary. Though if you can't be arsed to listen to the lyrics it still makes for a rip roaringly good party album, so what more do you want?

Anyway, this album is far better than you are and owning it will make you a better person, so buy it, buy it, buy it, buy it, buy it, buy it, buy it......

rollio and glennliet

Holy-fuck-sticks-awesome. I've just piked this off Rachael's blog, who in turn saw it on the Urban Outfitters blog who in turn got it off.... look you can just buy it here.

Henry & Glenn Forever, resembling something to come out of my deepest fantasies, is the story of the hypothetical love between Henry Rollins and Glenn Danzig. The two punk-rock gods live next door to 80s soft-rock legends Hall and Oats, who are, by the way, satanists. The story charts the highs and lows of Henry and Glenn's love which, much like any good relationship, has "ultra-metal violence and cryfest diary entries, cringing self-doubt and mega-hilarious emo-meltdowns."

This thing looks mental, and I have to make comment on the illustration, in so much as neither Henry or Glenn look like Henry or Glenn. This aside it's $4 and I really want to read it, especially as Rollins is quoted on the back "Has Glenn seen this? Trust me, he would not be impressed."

i'll be back soon

Jury Duty, New York and a pizza induced body rash have left my blog a little sparse. I will be back soon, I promise!

regina vs hennes and mauritz

Right, jury duty is dull or disturbing and nothing in between. You're bored and want something -anything- to do, then you'll get a case and it'll be dull so you'll be bored and having to pay attention to boring things. Then that's over and you're just bored again, then you catch another case and it's Sexual Assault and your not bored anymore but upset and disturbed and you wish you were bored again. This last for two weeks and it's so tiring that you can't do anything when you get home so you're bored again until you fall asleep.

To break up to monotony I've been kicking around Leicester town center on my lunch, which in itself is a monotonous place but beats the hell out of the Crown Court jury pen which is indescribable, so I'll leave it at that. After going to a couple of slightly over priced vintage shops I made my way to H&M and then to Topman and bugger me bluntly if I wasn't immediately struck by the role reversal of the two. H&M was rack after rack of unwearable and cheap looking clothes none of which I wanted (bar the oversized, ragged, faux mohair jumper that I bought for £10 from the sale rail) Topman in comparison had some excellent denim, both jeans and shirts had be umming and arring the current state of my overdraft.

Sure Topman had it's share of dayglo t-shirts and studded belts but I really liked a good 1/4 of the stuff in there which wasn't ostentatiously cheap with over design, just good solid pieces and none too pricey. I would tend to only go into Topman if I needed a specific piece of clothing that I knew they stocked but now I could happily deck myself out in an entire outfit. Perhaps it's that high street fashion is now falling more into my boundaries of taste the last few seasons but there has definitely been substantial efforts made by Topman to keep up with current trends rather than being it's usual year+ behind.

It's a shame because H&M used to be a staple but they have really dropped the ball of late leaving it to Topman and UniQlo to fight over. My case in point is the only thing I found worthy of hard cash was in the sale rail and I wouldn't have spent over £10 on this jumper especially as I had to spend 10 minutes at home removing a hideous studded leather tag from the hem. Though it's not just that H&M is worse than it used to be it's also down to the top job Topman is now doing with it's menswear, if they could only sort out their fit...

cigarettes and a squint

As I may have mentioned before James Dean is one of the few truly great icons of the 20th Century. The actor come photographer come racing driver had indelible style and you'll struggle to find an image of Dean where he is looking anything less than.. well.. iconic. This is partly because Dean died before he was 25, leaving him no time to make a bad film or get fat or develop a penchant for tracksuits, and partly due to the great marketing job that was done for his image and films. Nonetheless there is no cigarette smoke without fire and marketing job or not Dean looks phenomenal on the screen and in print. He had a roguesque charm that was rough yet not scruffy, you can't imagine Dean in a suit yet you can't imagine him being turned away for dress code. Whether true or not you get a feeling that Dean didn't think too much about his look, it just sort of came together for him- the cigarettes, the squint, loose shirts and work boots. It's entirely possible that he had a personal stylist preening him into this carefree look, however I like to think that a man with that much charisma was capable of simply being that shit hot.







Dean also adds weight to the argument that to become an icon you have to do three things brilliantly then die. Kurt Cobain and Bruce Lee both followed the formula and Marlon Brando wishes he did. Instead Brando got fat and left an ugly corpse and unfortunately despite his younger days being studded with glittering performances he will always be remembered as the chubby, slurring Don Vito or the fat, reclusive Kurtz. So kids if you truly want to become iconic make three brilliant albumns/films/art works and then die, we're all waiting for Pete Doherty to.

you can almost smell the pipe smoke

Think you do a real job? Think you dress for it? Hell no. You ain't got a spot on NASA during the 60's. Look at these coiffed geniuses, hair as sharp as their calculations, changing the world one planet at a time. YOU disgust me, turning up for working in your pinstripe monstrosity. Bet you've never pulled a 48 hour shift to get 3 heroes home safe with nothing more than a calculator and a pack of smokes.

i love courtney

Courtney Love is stumbling mouth foaming with rabid spittle back into the public consciousness once more, announcing she is touring the UK with her legendary band Hole. Along with the new tour comes the now customary Twitter based spat with fellow celebrity- in this case, and to be fair in most cases, with Lily Allen. Hmmmmm now which side are we going to take on this boys and girls? The old, crazy, drug addled, mentalist icon of the 20th centuary or... Keith Allen's daughter? Yep that's right: I'm with Cobain's ex (obviously). I can forgive Courtney almost anything because... well... she's Courtney Love and Lily Allen really isn't, it is unbelievable though that these two fully grown women would be bickering like they would do anything for the attention. Oh, wait. The culmination of this Twitter-fit is the hilarious posting of unflattering pictures of each on their repective rivals Twitter page. Let's laugh at how ugly they both are-har-har-haaaaaaar.




Go see Hole, they are amazing. Don't see Lily Allen, she's proper rubbish, and has cellulite. See? Yuck.

schwarzenegger is gonna be gutted

GM failing to sell the Hummer brand to a Chinese car manufacturer has called it a day on this monolith of excess and I, for one, am gutted. Hummer excelled at nothing; ugly, unreliable, expensive, and pretty much unusable on any road anywhere, however they were BIG and I liked that. Size isn't everything, however these things are so big you can see/hear/smell/feel/taste(?) them coming for miles and this always made me feel safe in the knowledge that I could quickly and accurately identify my nearest fucknut. Only an ungodly wanker would ever be seen dead in a Hummer, let alone be driving one, so you can be damn sure that if you can see a Hummer you're close to an oxygen thief of monumental proportions. For example the celebrity endorsements of Hummer reads like a Who's Who list of people I'd like to see contract and intestinal worm: Paris Hilton, Chris Eubank, Mike Tyson, Wyclef Jean, Coolio... The advantage of Hummer was that the bottom feeders of society were quickly identified and self-ostracised, now they could be anywhere, in any number of smaller and slightly less obnoxious cars. No longer can they be identified with such ease and stabbing accuracy. RIP Hummer.

pause for thought/hate

Is Kaye West the new Morrisey? Both arrogant halfwits with the talent of an ulcerated anus and fans that can, at best, be described as "moronic". These two are like Marmite; you love them or hate them, except you don't- you just hate. Hate. HATE. HATE. But of course it's up to you to decide...(hate).

quiffs get you quim

In the ever changing world of my hair nothing stays the same for long and so I am now growing a quiff. OK that sentance is total bullshit but you can't open with: In the drab and stationary world of my hair things rarely change, no doubt even my new fad of a quiff will soon be disassembled.

All we really need to know is that right now, this week, today I am growing a quiff and I'm pretty damn pleased with myself. Not only have I found a style that suits me, suits my hair and doesn't look like I just rolled out of bed, I think I'm onto something a bit more global with this quiff business, i.e. I think it's due a major comeback. Quiffs have been mooching around in the sidelines for a while now, cropping up (do you get it? crop-ing?) in toned down form on the catwalks for the past few years and now upon the heads of certain celebrities such as Henry Holland, Simon Amstell and the universally hated (I refuse to believe he is anything else) Morrissey. Though I guess Mozza has had his since the 80s and just waited it out for 20 years. This has now filtered all the way down from adverts, editorial, catwalks and our much loved and emulated celebrities until you're seeing a few quiffs rocking down the high street.

The quiff is a truly iconic piece of hair sculpture that immediately reminds you of every person that has rocked a quiff past and present, the list is endless and reads like a who's who of beautiful rebels and heroes. There is something quite elementally cool about a quiff and it has, at times, a split personality: on the one hand this is the hair of a man who takes much pride in his appearance but at the same time will quite happily drunkenly brawl the evening away before heading to the workshop to re-tune his motorbike. The effeminate coiffing VS. the manly connotations. The dual life of this hair is aided by the fact that once you have your quiff set it's pretty much a low maintenance barnet, so whether you're preening yourself in the mirror or rapping a pool cue round someone's head, your hair cares not. Another point mentioning is that you won't have to shell out top dollar for this über cool do as any barber worth his salt (and most that are not) will know how to knock this up for you, negating the need to go to an expensive salon where you're paying 4 times the price for nothing more than the privilege of having a 16yr old trainee brush her breasts against your forehead as she massages your scalp.

Low maintenance, epically cool and versatile, there is a quiff for almost everybody: contemporary like the one pictured above or traditional like those below-


The Teddy Boy / Rockabilly


The Geek Quiff


The 80s Quiff

The final string in a quiff's bow is that no matter how popular it gets it will always retain a retro cool, that certain je ne sais quoi of a style that is a bit of an outsider, a hair cut you wouldn't trust to take your daughter to the prom. And that is why it is due a comeback.

icons pt1. my fashion substance

Being a dedicated follower of fashion doesn't get you far in my book, barely past the dust cover to be frank. The big beef I have with the fashionista/isto brigade is that it is all style without substance; wearing and doing just because you have been told you should is the same thinking that plunged western Europe into a world war for the second time in under 30 years- yep I am comparing All Saints to Nazi Germany, and what of it? Not only is it mindless, it's obvious and painfully dull to watch these geese strutting around in a mish-mash of their top three window dressings. As a result you get some pretty incoherent mixes of styles, which is not to say being creative and subverting the norm is in anyway a bad thing but neon and brogues are never going to go together and it's worrying that those who spend so much time looking into their own visage cannot see this. Nothing is cool just because it's cool.

I guess in the same way that I'm a literary snob I'm a fashion snob. I refuse to read anything that is not considered a classic (modern or otherwise) and shy away from anything at all which has been written in my lifetime. Likewise I will follow trends but I want them to have icons and a base that is not what's in this month's GQ; I need fashion to have a personality or a sponsor with credentials. I think a look should be a lifestyle.

The mods and the goths have got it right as have the punks and maybe even the hippies.. but perhaps that Pill is a Little too Jagged to swallow. Me? I'm a big fan of the subversives: James Dean, Kurt Cobain and Hunter S. Thompson.


Jimmy Dean doesn't need much explaining; did three great films, smoked a lot, crashed his car, died. One of the coolest guys who ever lived.. and then shortly died.


Kurt Cobain is a little trickier; the reason Kurt is so awesome is that he never really intended it, or at least didn't try too hard at it in the conventional sense. He had effortless style and presence, was the figure head for disenfranchised youth and killed himself. Cool.


Hunter S. Thompson is a complicated fellow, though again quite effortlessly cool. Hunter's big "fuck you" to everyone and everything that he decided to be unfair and un-American was about the coolest thing to happen to the 70's, along with his shorts, sports socks, Chuck Taylors, cigarettes and shades. Oh and he killed himself too, it's pretty tough at the top.

These three guys had an unmistakable style but this style was a by-product of their life and of their personality- there was substance, and this is the ethos behind dressing well. Your look should evolve from yourself. My grunge/utilitarian look comes from my own desire to not be restricted or tied down. I don't ever want to have to get changed because I'm unsuitable to go garden hopping at 3am or worried about ruining myself scrabbling around in frozen gravel. I don't want my look to dictate my life and neither did my fashion heroes.

Put this another way: one of the best-looking-on-going-fist-fights of all time was the Mods Vs. Rockers clashes of the 60s. Each side in uniform dictated to them by their lifestyle and music taste, no mod would listen to rock and no rocker would listen to mod, there were no part-time fanciers of these gangs. This is how it should be today, perhaps without all the fighting, but unless your look is at least partly representative of yourself then you are no better than a fashionisto.. or a Nazi, whichever sits with you better.

cricket? jumper?

Would you dare stand at the crease with a sturdy length of wood? Haha. Ok. I'll shut up.

But would you wear a cricket jumper with your everyday threads? I would, it's a great look if slightly oversized, however I was questioned about it today and I stammered to find an answer. The question that verbally shafted me was: "why do you like wearing a cricket jumper, is it ironic?" quick as a flash I responded with "errrrmmm... yeah... well... like, it's just a nice v-neck?.." articulate, no? And still I don't know; is it ironic? I think it's less ironic, more classic but is it only classic because it's ironic? And how many other pieces of clothes might I be being ironic about? When I think classic do I mean ironic? These are some of the questions I'm failing to answer. The only reason I can think of for wearing this cricket jumper is because I'm pretty sure I saw Kurt Cobain wearing one once, which re-assures me that it is cool and probably not ironic, or was Kurt being devilishly ironic when he may or may not have donned his cricket sweater?

This has sent me into a spiraling pit of self doubt about the hows? and whys? I dress myself, all I can say is that I'm all about cricket jumpers right now, ironic or not, and I think you should be too. Except not like the berk in the picture above, he looks like a proper nob.

If you do take the plunge then almost any one will do, don't bother with a fashion sweater just buy one from a sports supplier and remember to get it slightly too big- grunge. Bugger it, your Dad probably has one so just pike his, hopefully it'll be already worn in and if it's survived since his youth damn well made. Roll on spring.

it's like wearing a hollyoaks character on your feet, but less practical

Right I fear I may be repeating myself here but I must launch into a colourful rant about Ugg boots after seeing this ad in GQ.

What in the name of all that is holy are Ugg doing advertising to men? This is some wishful thinking by a hopefully now fired marketing exec, some products just don't make the jump from gender to gender and career screaming into the gorge of embarrassing ad campaigns. What's more, and I think this is important to highlight at this stage, is that Ugg boots are the most horrific smear on footwear only rivaled by Crocs and sports sandals.

My mind spins when I try to think why women are still persisting in spending £100+ on footwear that looks like a 5 year old's drawing of a foot. I will begrudgingly accept comfort as an answer, but why stop there I ask? Why not wear fur lined padded trousers and a pajama top if comfort is what you're after, fuck the critics who think you look like you're on day release. I'm also confused as to what season you're meant to wear these things; in the winter they have no grip to speak of and soak up water like badly behaved spaniel, smelling just as bad, and in the summer they get so hot you're walking around in two pints of your own sweat and fungal infection. My fear is that people are clinging on to a fad which should have died out as quickly as it started. What's more is I think this all started with Big Brother housemates and the cast of Hollyoaks- which is no foundation to build upon, unless of course you're campaigning for the spread of chlamydia.

I think a Hollyoaks star was the first Y chromosome I saw wearing a pair of Uggs and it was a crystallising moment for me as until then I thought I had reached the pinnacle of my hatred for the wretched things. Men cannot fall on the same excuse that women can for Uggs because it's a mislead feeling of fashion and breaking from convention that leads men to wear them, and though I will be taken by a fashion whim myself from time to time, Ugg boots are unacceptable. They are useless, impracticable, ugly, overpriced and disgusting things, if you want comfort and to fly in the face of the norm then wear your slippers out- you'll get the two thumbs up from me!

I was going to add into this post what I think are attractive alternatives, however it would be an insult to you to point out that work boots are practical, brogues are attractive and practical, trainers are comfy, attractive and practical, and almost anything is an attractive alternative to wearing Hollyoaks on your feet.

So I hope you can all share my disdain for the man above relaxing on the tropical beach in his fur lined, sponge soled twat-boots.

and you thought there were no good white techno grime rappers from south africa

Right, where to start? Let me firstly explain I love this and I cannot express how much. Die Antwoord sound like if West Coast Gangster Rap and Techno fucked and had a baby and Grime and German Hardcore fucked and had a baby and then both their baby's somehow got together and fucked and had a baby, Die Antwoord would be that baby. If you know what I mean?

This stuff is so hard to listen to if you like anything other than the most obnoxious bleepy-clicky-sweary-noise. Luckily I love a good obnoxious drone and as most people don't, listening to this will fulfill my two life criteria: make me happy & make others miserable.. and thus make me happier. Seriously though these guys are pretty good, their production is decent and their delivery is faultless.. perhaps I'll skirt around content and simply say it's no worse than most Grime, which makes their delivery even more commendable. I can't work out if they are being ironic though, I hope not but I fear they are, I mean surely they are? Sadly without knowing any proper South Africans I don't know if irony is a big thing over there, I feel maybe not, or at least hope. Either way they have a massive following of disgruntled youth in South Africa and a small following of obnoxious nob-heads in the UK (me), so collectively we all get the joke or we don't.

Their first video is for Enter The Ninja, which sadly and typically is their worst song so don't judge on that, Zef Side (posted above) is much better and genuinely hilarious plus there at least 5 other excellent tunes on their albumn $O$. 'Wat Pomp' and 'Beat Boy' are my highlights, the former sounding akin to Miami's own Clipse and the latter being a 10 minute garage marathon with several -excellent- tempo changes that leaves you gagging for more. Other notables are 'Super Evil' which sounds like MF Doom was there tinkering away behind the desk and the albumn title track '$O$' which is an instrumental and uncharacteristic but brilliantly atmospheric electro-tech number. I'd like to say there is something for everyone on this album, but I can't, my Mum would hate it. Nonetheless it's still pretty varied considering it's mostly bleeps clicks and swearing in Afrikaans and that makes it a rip-roaring good listen.

Music aside what I love most about Die Antwoord is their look. It's the best. Ninja's Pink Floyd boxers and ying yang t-shirt are awes. along with his tattoos and George Michael earring he looks somewhere between late 80's punk/grunge and new rave. As for Yo-Landi's Batista t-shirt I'm getting serious clothes envy, especially because I know I'll never find anything as genius as that the rest of my charity shop trawling life.

Please, please, please take my word for it and check out their website it's 10 times better than their video and has loads of pictures I couldn't be bothered to screen grab for this blog. Ha.

Die Antwoord

the battle of soles

The desert boot is a fashion staple right now, that much is undeniable, but what about his smarter Eaton educated brother the suede chukka boot, dare you rock a smart sole? In a word: no, no you don't.

With the prevalence of the American Workman last season there has been a surge in the popularity of traditional boot makers and traditional boots, as such we are all spoilt for choice when it comes to well made, sturdy and classic boots. The chukka has been given the new-classic treatment and we are swimming in good examples for our sartorial digestion, but we seem to be avoiding them like the last sausage roll at a buffet.

In reality the only difference between the desert and the chukka is the sole, but what a difference, where one has a Mod and Grungy undertone the other is your rich mate's Dad at the school fare, and therein the problem lies. Stigma. But people rise up! We can beat this with skinny jeans and a fitted t-shirt. It's time to take back the chukka. And why not? If a desert boot will do then a chukka will excel, use it to dress yourself up where the desert would dress you down. There are plenty of great examples out there with some dressier and others more rugged, either way the chukka is an under used asset in the wardrobe.

nb. It's probably worth mentioning that there are far more disgusting chukkas out there than there are deserts so be careful; never buy polished leather, suede is better and get a narrower shoe otherwise your in trouble, big trouble. It's also worth mentioning that chukkas -nice ones- are likely to set you back more than deserts but that's by-the-by, vive la revolution!

Think:
Alden
Loake
Greson

hmmm... i don't hate liberty print?

I've always despised liberty print because I thought it a bit flouncy, which is odd because I'm quite the flounce. Repetitive floral prints just jar me a little and none more than the lining of my shirt pictured above, considering this is a fairly busy check shirt it has always bothered me that someone would think to line it this way. However I've had a sudden change of heart -something that often happens to me- upon teaming this shirt with one of my spanking new neckerchiefs. My revelation is that if worn correctly with complementary patterns the liberty lining doesn't make me want to burn my shirt with me in it. Now the Jury is out as to whether I'll be seen in a full liberty shirt but as of today I rescind my hate of liberty print, it has been downgraded to a dislike. Well done liberty.

hikey oh blimey

We're all kicking about in our utilitarian work, army and desert boots but where do we go now All Saints have caught onto the trend and every Saturday night Big Brother wannabe is wearing them? Well I've seen the future and it's in Blacks Outdoor Pursuits; the hiking boot. And I'm not alone, these things have been pretty big in Japan for a while now and even our multi-striped-one-trick-pony Paul Smith has jumped aboard with his vintage style Ike Hiking Boot. As usual I like to go straight to the source so won't be putting down my £3,000,000 (I'm pretty sure that's the actual RRP but I could be wrong) for Paul Smith's imitations and want to get something a little more authentic, which is going to prove... tricky.

Companies such as Aigle and Vasque still make a few classic boots, but these are hard to find and are still pretty pricey, plus it will take you weeks to wear in the leather let alone make them look vintage, so where do we go from here? EBAY. It might take a little searching but ebay will bare the fruit of other peoples labour in the form of old 80's hiking boots, weathered and worn in these will go cheap and look amazing. However you don't want to be stomping around in other peoples foot sweat and foot grooves so for a little extra cash take your new old boots to a cobbler and have them resoled and rebuilt and BAM! Old new boots that look awesome and didn't cost you the earth.

Strangely enough, though I hate Paul Smith's Ikes, I love these Fracap Japan Mountaineering Boots because unlike the Ikes, which are trying to look like something they are clearly not (old and durable), these Fracaps are imitations but are taking the best elements of walking boots and putting them into a modern boot that would be useless half way up Mt Fuji but look sweet treading tarmac.

a life skill i don't quite have

Right if you're like me then you will have been trudging around in snow and slush and all kinds of crap for a few weeks now and it's sucked, every minute of it. Worst of all your leather boots are all now covered with a white salt tide mark from all the grit that has been thrown down, so it's about time you use that boot polish for your footwear rather than that racially dubious fancy dress outfit.

What you'll need is:

Boot polish (doye!)
Old Tooth brush
Leather brush (or any clean fairly tough brush)
A chamois (I use a duster when I can't find one)
And some elbow grease

I could explain how to do it myself but I have limited butling skills, this guy however butles with the best of 'em. I will say though that this is an important skill to have as it will add years to the leather on your shoes and boots and there is no excuse for tatty leather. Go forth and buff!

(Total lame out post I know but I've taken my sleeping tablet and had a glass of wine so I'm a ticking time bomb.)

it's gonna be a camp spring (in my house)

Fuck snow. I've been saying that since December but now you have fallen on yer arse and had a 3 hour commute to work you're all with me. More than that in retail world it's already Spring, hard to believe but SS10 has started already so it will soon be time to pack away your thermal socks and wool scarf that could clothe a sheep and start your new Spring look. Remember; fuck snow. This time of year I can get a wee bit blue because I love scarves and mourn their loss until October rolls in, luckily for SS10 I've come up with an awesome -and camp- solution: neckerchiefs!

Like scarves they go round your neck, unlike scarves they do not keep you warm. Unfortunately that's all I can find within myself to say about neckerchiefs other than I think they should be big in SS10- which, also unfortunately, doesn't mean that they will. I think there are some definite no-no's when it comes to neckercheifs: no ganja leaves, no national flags (unless it's painfully ironic), no Che Guevara, no Bob Marley and no camo.. infact there are a lot of bad neckerchiefs so maybe it's easier if I say what's good. Black, red, blue, white and green are good -but not all together- and subtle but repetitive patterns. Basically if you think a Cowboy or a Sailor would wear it then you've hit the sweet spot. Chicks have been owning these for a while now so there is plenty to select from, and don't be afraid to buy something intended for girls it's only weird if you buy their underwear.

If you're like me and not into jewellery then neckerchiefs are a top shit accessory because it will make you look like you have really thought about your outfit, when you haven't! There are loads of bandannas and neckerchiefs out in the Internets, vintage and new, I'm yet to find a good one stop shop so you'll just have to search for them, but surely that's half the fun. Oh and be prepared to look camp, because you will.

david cameron made me hate GQ but i did find this great image (mens mag rant Pt.1)

GQ reaffirming their status as premium men's fashion and lifestyle magazine -and not monthly rag thrown together to tongue the anus of which ever celebrity/politician/twat they can get a half decent picture of- has rated the sartorial genius and all round excellently down to earth guy David "Dave" Cameron as #08 in their Best Dressed List 2010. And why not? Who says the same two ubiquitous black or navy suits day in, day out can't be cool? Not me, because when Dave is hitting up some down time with The Fam he is well known to bust out a pair of sweet board shorts, OMG! or what?

I actually haemorrhage when I try think of the honest reasons David Cameron could be considered the 8th best dressed man over the last year... really I can come up with nothing. I can't think of anything that Dave is 8th best of at anything, over any time period, ever. Even in the Conservative Leadership stakes he would be far from my first choice. This is an embarrassing and obvious political arse licking, especially when you consider that Gordon Brown has been ranked at #01 in GQ's worst dressed men side bar- wowzer. Not that Gordo is well dressed but he certainly isn't bad, he kind of bumbles around under the sartorial radar for good or bad, in the same way your dad does.

This sort of big-boys-clubbery really annoys me, not because it's a big boys club that I'm not invited to but because it highlights the fact that these lists are no more thought about than a shopping list. Who do we have pictures of? Who do we want to align ourselves with? Done. Take GQ's hottest girls of 2009; Ann Widdecombe was at #04 or something. Compared to the relative complexity of an actual shopping list, GQ's best dressed/best looking/most influential lists could be and most probably are, compiled by a 7 year old (or a half wit intern who's daddy once went shooting with David Furnish). This is the sad fact of a lot of men's lifestyle magazines; they have best of's or guide to's that are compiled with the level of care an ape renders to cracking a shell with a small boulder, and people lap it up as if it's gospel. The articles are little better, not badly written but lacking in any real conviction or interest in the topic and interviews with people who are just slightly left field but not far enough so that we can't identify them from the leading image. Unfortunately the only alternative is the painfully pretentious arts and media magazines that have lists like the top ten best designed airline interiors (true fact).

The problem is systemic throughout all the major and most of the specialist magazines right now, there seems to be a lack of lustre and a lack of cash to buy in lustre. Which is fair enough I guess as people are asked to do more with less, something has to give- for some it's page count, for others it's the panache. The trouble is without the panache the subtle advertising and product or person placement becomes all the more obvious and you begin to ask why you put down £3.95 for 200 pages of adverts.

Rant to be continued...

best. book. ever.

There are few things in the world I love more than Grunge, so for me, this book is as close to porn as you're going to get onto a coffee table. The collaboration between photographer Michael Lavine and author Thurston Moore (of Sonic Youth) documents the late 80's / early 90's Seattle Grunge scene that took the world's sub culture by storm. There are some truly excellent photographs of "the kids" really sticking it to "the man" by wearing some subversive and rather fetching threads; oversized sweaters and shirts, denim and leather and neckerchiefs, sweet lord I need a neckerchief. It actually makes me a little sick with envy looking at these youths who I know -but struggle to admit- that at ten years my junior they are dressing and behaving far cooler than I dare.

American Workman / Utilitarian / Grunge, call it what you will, if Cobain was resurrected this Easter he would be bang on trend as we all rock out with loose shirts and workboots a-go-go. The world is primed for a Grunge resurgence; we're all dressing the part but dare not speak it's name. Why this Autumn/Winter style trend has not been clocked as Grunge is a mystery to me, perhaps it's the lack of soundtrack but flicking through this book I can see so many looks easily achieved with 10 minutes spent on asos.

An engaging read and a veritable style bible, "Grunge" is a must have especially at £5.99 from Amazon.