dear world, stop ruining things i love

There is a fine line between love and hate, but not with these All Star Hi Straps, I irrefutably hate them.

When it comes to footwear, and most other clothes for that matter, I must admit I'm a bit of a stickler for originality and history, which is why I love Chuck Taylors. CTs are the original trainer, they have changed little -other than colour- over the past 90 years and are so iconic that if you're old enough to buy your own footwear you know what a pair of All Stars are and have no doubt owned at least one pair. These things are so engulfing that they are synonymous with everything from punk rock through to the American Dream, from the hippie movement to Justin Timberlake, which is why I tear out my hair when someone fucks with them.

I don't want extra straps added to my Chucks or the laces replaced with Velcro, I don't want glitter or graffiti printed on, I want a design classic to be left alone. Augmenting a pair of All Stars is like putting a body kit and under floor lighting on a '65 Mustang, only a retard would miss the vulgarity of it. Perhaps I'm exaggerating a little here, after all I've seen worse "updates" to these trainers, but the key to the Chuck Taylor's overpowering appeal is it's simplicity and when you start adding extra straps or changing the material you're ruining what makes these trainers great, so- leave them alone.

the desert boot is well and truely back

Like a cyst these things have grown on me. It's taken me over a year for me to go from thinking Clarks Desert Boots are no better than a pair of Ugg boots to thinking these have to be the ultimate in utilitarian work wear. They have history, they are comfy as hell and they are very, very cool, better than this they come in a multitude of colours and materials so you can buy a pair without rocking up to the pub to find the barman wearing your treads. As well as the standard Des Boots you'll find in your local Clarks store there are also a few collaborations knocking about, so if you want something a little more exclusive and don't mind a little hunting then they are out there for you.

free stuff that won't end up pissing off the bin man

Too busy to even wash myself properly this week so sadly I'm going to be hasty and humourless.

Do you like free shit? Yeah me too, the amount of useless crap that I come home with to hold on to for for a week and then ditch into the nearest wheely bin is getting farcical. However this looks like it's worth a punt, Crooked Tongues are running a comp to win a pair of shoes a week for a year, that's 52 pairs of shoes, for bugger all! All the need to do is head down to the website, fill out the form and BOOYAH, you're entered into the prize draw.

Don't say I never treat you.