i went to a lesbian night and all i got was this AWESOME wristband

I went, with one of my friends (female- and yes it does matter), to a lesbian night last night. Obviously it was like being at an orgy. It wasn't, it was exactly how you'd expect a lesbian night to be: a lot of girls, the lesbians, hanging around dancing and occasionally kissing. As we all know porn is misleading and massively misrepresentative of lesbians, women, men, sex and dwarfs, so it didn't turn into an orgy where the erstwhile lesbians had a life changing epiphany and all wanted, no, needed to fuck me. All of them. At the same time. I wasn't disappointed, I was knackered- it would have finished me off.

Anyway I was pretty drunk, danced around like a prat and got even more drunk. The sexiest thing to happen was me taking a piss in the urinal while chatting to my friend (female- again it does matter) as she luxuriated on a chaise longue. Why there was a chaise longue in the boys toilets is beyond me, perhaps so people can luxuriate while someone takes a piss into the urinal.

It was a good night though, from what I can remember. What is better than my flakey memories, however, is the AWESOME wristband I got on entry. Look at it, how fucking great is that? Playtime. Plaaaaaaaaaaytime. What time is it? Playtime. Brilliant, this thing is worth the £7 entry fee alone. Plus it comes with a story, in reality not a great one but saying "Oh this? I got it on entry to a lesbian night I went to" and nothing more people, with even the blandest of imagination, will assume that it was pornesquely awesome.

So if you ever see me: ask me the time. Because it's Playtime, and always will be.