it's like wearing a hollyoaks character on your feet, but less practical

Right I fear I may be repeating myself here but I must launch into a colourful rant about Ugg boots after seeing this ad in GQ.

What in the name of all that is holy are Ugg doing advertising to men? This is some wishful thinking by a hopefully now fired marketing exec, some products just don't make the jump from gender to gender and career screaming into the gorge of embarrassing ad campaigns. What's more, and I think this is important to highlight at this stage, is that Ugg boots are the most horrific smear on footwear only rivaled by Crocs and sports sandals.

My mind spins when I try to think why women are still persisting in spending £100+ on footwear that looks like a 5 year old's drawing of a foot. I will begrudgingly accept comfort as an answer, but why stop there I ask? Why not wear fur lined padded trousers and a pajama top if comfort is what you're after, fuck the critics who think you look like you're on day release. I'm also confused as to what season you're meant to wear these things; in the winter they have no grip to speak of and soak up water like badly behaved spaniel, smelling just as bad, and in the summer they get so hot you're walking around in two pints of your own sweat and fungal infection. My fear is that people are clinging on to a fad which should have died out as quickly as it started. What's more is I think this all started with Big Brother housemates and the cast of Hollyoaks- which is no foundation to build upon, unless of course you're campaigning for the spread of chlamydia.

I think a Hollyoaks star was the first Y chromosome I saw wearing a pair of Uggs and it was a crystallising moment for me as until then I thought I had reached the pinnacle of my hatred for the wretched things. Men cannot fall on the same excuse that women can for Uggs because it's a mislead feeling of fashion and breaking from convention that leads men to wear them, and though I will be taken by a fashion whim myself from time to time, Ugg boots are unacceptable. They are useless, impracticable, ugly, overpriced and disgusting things, if you want comfort and to fly in the face of the norm then wear your slippers out- you'll get the two thumbs up from me!

I was going to add into this post what I think are attractive alternatives, however it would be an insult to you to point out that work boots are practical, brogues are attractive and practical, trainers are comfy, attractive and practical, and almost anything is an attractive alternative to wearing Hollyoaks on your feet.

So I hope you can all share my disdain for the man above relaxing on the tropical beach in his fur lined, sponge soled twat-boots.

public flogging, on national tv?

Are we a nation of sadists? After watching this week's X Factor I'm inclined to say yes.

John and Edward, by all reason, should have been sent home weeks ago, yet they are still here performing for the amusement of us, The Great British Public. Poor singers, personally repugnant, hated by 3 of the judges and only tolerated by the last because Louis is lumbered with them, they are wheeled out for ridicule and amusement week after week and someone is voting for them. The explanation is that a large number of people are voting to watch these two bare their soul, then to be slowly and meticulously cut down like a bull is bled out by a matador. What's even more interesting is that the two are beginning to understand that they are the nation's embarrassing play thing, looking coy and resigned after the judges comments and exasperated bordering on exhausted hearing the news that they were going to be saved for another week of public flogging.

This also marks a shift in the public's voting habits, previous X Factors have seen people voting for and virulently supporting the act they saw as the most deserving, now they are voting for the act they deem most entertaining, irrelevant of skill or appeal. This happened years ago in the now axed Big Brother and led to Jade Goody's assault on the world, a woman who's only redeemable act was to, unintentionally, heighten knowledge of cervical cancer. More concerning is the shift in The X Factor's production to emphasise the 'entertainment' value of the two boys; dressing them up in garish suits, choosing songs they struggle to perform with any dignity and having a set design that is a cross between a children's party and cabaret.

Unfortunately this roaming band of sadists that are keeping John and Edward on my TV are not only risking the working order of my TV they are also risking the creditability of The X Factor. Once past the initial freak show that is the auditions the show switches tact to respected talent show that is considered a breeding ground for next year's pop starlets. The Twins have bridged the gap from the circus side show and, if they continue to gather support, risk debasing the importance of the winner, highlighting the show's triviality. Better yet until the duet get down into the bottom two acts there is nothing anyone -who would want to- can do about it.

What the future holds for The Twins is yet to see, with any luck they will be kept prisoner by their own popularity, repeatedly reminded that it's not their fault they are still there and it's certainly not because of talent either. Becoming increasingly disillusioned and depressed they will struggle with the fade to grey and I don't think a drugs problem or a tactically leaked porn would be out of the question. Whatever happens it's going to be unpleasant, embarrassing and on YouTube.