a life skill i don't quite have

Right if you're like me then you will have been trudging around in snow and slush and all kinds of crap for a few weeks now and it's sucked, every minute of it. Worst of all your leather boots are all now covered with a white salt tide mark from all the grit that has been thrown down, so it's about time you use that boot polish for your footwear rather than that racially dubious fancy dress outfit.

What you'll need is:

Boot polish (doye!)
Old Tooth brush
Leather brush (or any clean fairly tough brush)
A chamois (I use a duster when I can't find one)
And some elbow grease

I could explain how to do it myself but I have limited butling skills, this guy however butles with the best of 'em. I will say though that this is an important skill to have as it will add years to the leather on your shoes and boots and there is no excuse for tatty leather. Go forth and buff!

(Total lame out post I know but I've taken my sleeping tablet and had a glass of wine so I'm a ticking time bomb.)

it's gonna be a camp spring (in my house)

Fuck snow. I've been saying that since December but now you have fallen on yer arse and had a 3 hour commute to work you're all with me. More than that in retail world it's already Spring, hard to believe but SS10 has started already so it will soon be time to pack away your thermal socks and wool scarf that could clothe a sheep and start your new Spring look. Remember; fuck snow. This time of year I can get a wee bit blue because I love scarves and mourn their loss until October rolls in, luckily for SS10 I've come up with an awesome -and camp- solution: neckerchiefs!

Like scarves they go round your neck, unlike scarves they do not keep you warm. Unfortunately that's all I can find within myself to say about neckerchiefs other than I think they should be big in SS10- which, also unfortunately, doesn't mean that they will. I think there are some definite no-no's when it comes to neckercheifs: no ganja leaves, no national flags (unless it's painfully ironic), no Che Guevara, no Bob Marley and no camo.. infact there are a lot of bad neckerchiefs so maybe it's easier if I say what's good. Black, red, blue, white and green are good -but not all together- and subtle but repetitive patterns. Basically if you think a Cowboy or a Sailor would wear it then you've hit the sweet spot. Chicks have been owning these for a while now so there is plenty to select from, and don't be afraid to buy something intended for girls it's only weird if you buy their underwear.

If you're like me and not into jewellery then neckerchiefs are a top shit accessory because it will make you look like you have really thought about your outfit, when you haven't! There are loads of bandannas and neckerchiefs out in the Internets, vintage and new, I'm yet to find a good one stop shop so you'll just have to search for them, but surely that's half the fun. Oh and be prepared to look camp, because you will.

david cameron made me hate GQ but i did find this great image (mens mag rant Pt.1)

GQ reaffirming their status as premium men's fashion and lifestyle magazine -and not monthly rag thrown together to tongue the anus of which ever celebrity/politician/twat they can get a half decent picture of- has rated the sartorial genius and all round excellently down to earth guy David "Dave" Cameron as #08 in their Best Dressed List 2010. And why not? Who says the same two ubiquitous black or navy suits day in, day out can't be cool? Not me, because when Dave is hitting up some down time with The Fam he is well known to bust out a pair of sweet board shorts, OMG! or what?

I actually haemorrhage when I try think of the honest reasons David Cameron could be considered the 8th best dressed man over the last year... really I can come up with nothing. I can't think of anything that Dave is 8th best of at anything, over any time period, ever. Even in the Conservative Leadership stakes he would be far from my first choice. This is an embarrassing and obvious political arse licking, especially when you consider that Gordon Brown has been ranked at #01 in GQ's worst dressed men side bar- wowzer. Not that Gordo is well dressed but he certainly isn't bad, he kind of bumbles around under the sartorial radar for good or bad, in the same way your dad does.

This sort of big-boys-clubbery really annoys me, not because it's a big boys club that I'm not invited to but because it highlights the fact that these lists are no more thought about than a shopping list. Who do we have pictures of? Who do we want to align ourselves with? Done. Take GQ's hottest girls of 2009; Ann Widdecombe was at #04 or something. Compared to the relative complexity of an actual shopping list, GQ's best dressed/best looking/most influential lists could be and most probably are, compiled by a 7 year old (or a half wit intern who's daddy once went shooting with David Furnish). This is the sad fact of a lot of men's lifestyle magazines; they have best of's or guide to's that are compiled with the level of care an ape renders to cracking a shell with a small boulder, and people lap it up as if it's gospel. The articles are little better, not badly written but lacking in any real conviction or interest in the topic and interviews with people who are just slightly left field but not far enough so that we can't identify them from the leading image. Unfortunately the only alternative is the painfully pretentious arts and media magazines that have lists like the top ten best designed airline interiors (true fact).

The problem is systemic throughout all the major and most of the specialist magazines right now, there seems to be a lack of lustre and a lack of cash to buy in lustre. Which is fair enough I guess as people are asked to do more with less, something has to give- for some it's page count, for others it's the panache. The trouble is without the panache the subtle advertising and product or person placement becomes all the more obvious and you begin to ask why you put down £3.95 for 200 pages of adverts.

Rant to be continued...

best. book. ever.

There are few things in the world I love more than Grunge, so for me, this book is as close to porn as you're going to get onto a coffee table. The collaboration between photographer Michael Lavine and author Thurston Moore (of Sonic Youth) documents the late 80's / early 90's Seattle Grunge scene that took the world's sub culture by storm. There are some truly excellent photographs of "the kids" really sticking it to "the man" by wearing some subversive and rather fetching threads; oversized sweaters and shirts, denim and leather and neckerchiefs, sweet lord I need a neckerchief. It actually makes me a little sick with envy looking at these youths who I know -but struggle to admit- that at ten years my junior they are dressing and behaving far cooler than I dare.

American Workman / Utilitarian / Grunge, call it what you will, if Cobain was resurrected this Easter he would be bang on trend as we all rock out with loose shirts and workboots a-go-go. The world is primed for a Grunge resurgence; we're all dressing the part but dare not speak it's name. Why this Autumn/Winter style trend has not been clocked as Grunge is a mystery to me, perhaps it's the lack of soundtrack but flicking through this book I can see so many looks easily achieved with 10 minutes spent on asos.

An engaging read and a veritable style bible, "Grunge" is a must have especially at £5.99 from Amazon.

ok, so this annoyed me

After getting bored within 10 minutes of being conscious this morning I started looking for ways to spend my hard received Xmas cash. Looking in the accessories sale on asos (for a neckerchief and mittens) I found this Ralf Lauren tote bag in the sale with a whopping £39 off it's RRP! Wowzer! you may say, but hold that sentiment until you hear that the RRP was £110! One hundred and ten. Pounds. For a fucking tote bag. An expensive tote bag goes against everything a tote bag is meant to be; cheap, utilitarian and semi-disposable. I can't possibly understand how this has sold badly?

I'm sure this thing is well made and has plenty of pockets to stuff-your-stuff in but seriously you spend £110 on a pair of shoes and get a nice tote bag for free, the only explanation why you would spend £110 on a tote alone is that it is lined with the labial skin of vestal virgins. But lo, our lord asos spoke thus:

* - Cotton tote bag by Polo Ralph Lauren
* - Vibrant embroidered logo front detail
* - Oversized style with twin handles

At straws, clutching- no? Twin handles on a tote bag is a feature as much as ink is to a pen.

This has to be one of the most prolific examples of shameless branding on a shoddy product I have ever seen, you are truly paying for that berk on a horse and nothing else. What's more I fail to see how anyone with more than two brain cells to smash together isn't going to think you a cunt for you buying such a monstrosity.

If you want a really good designer tote bag get down the market and buy a knocked off one, they are always cooler, funnier, cheaper and you can walk around in the knowledge that you -in your own small way- are sticking it the THE MAN.

Happy Birthday Jesus.

stocking filler

I never know what to ask for for xmas so I usually just trawl websites until I find something that I think I could do with and ask for that. But this year I am CREAMING my pants about unwrapping this shirt on xmas day. Denim? Yep. Quilted? Sure is. This thing is going to be so snug fitted under a brushed cotton shirt, you have no idea. Roll on xmas day.

£40 at Topman.

russ meyer

I find it hard to fault Russ Meyer, but when your niche is soft porn with extra boobs then it's hard for you to go wrong anyway.

With a career spanning over 50 years Meyer has cemented his place in cult movie folk lore creating some iconic titles such as Faster, Pussycat! Kill! Kill! and Supervixen, however out of the cult scene he is little known. You may not have seen any of Russ Meyer's films but it's doubtless that you will have seen his influence, because it's not the plot -which at times are paper thin- that makes you love Meyer's films, it's his style; the music, the cinematography, the direction that all contribute to an orgy of cult imagery, these aren't films they are pieces of pop art. Most of Meyer's plots can be summarised in three words: sex, violence and domination, and if you are absolutely honest with yourself then most of his work differs little other than budget and bra size, but that doesn't stop you loving it. Neither does the sexism and racism that goes hand in hand with these exploitation films because you get the feeling that it was not intended maliciously, more a reflection of the time. And what a reflection! A colourful romp across America in fast cars, beautiful women and cartoon violence!

Take these films with a pinch of salt and with your tongue firmly placed in your cheek then it's hard not to love them and with Amazon selling the box set at a boobilicious £25.48 you have no excuse not to indulge yourself.

dear world, stop ruining things i love

There is a fine line between love and hate, but not with these All Star Hi Straps, I irrefutably hate them.

When it comes to footwear, and most other clothes for that matter, I must admit I'm a bit of a stickler for originality and history, which is why I love Chuck Taylors. CTs are the original trainer, they have changed little -other than colour- over the past 90 years and are so iconic that if you're old enough to buy your own footwear you know what a pair of All Stars are and have no doubt owned at least one pair. These things are so engulfing that they are synonymous with everything from punk rock through to the American Dream, from the hippie movement to Justin Timberlake, which is why I tear out my hair when someone fucks with them.

I don't want extra straps added to my Chucks or the laces replaced with Velcro, I don't want glitter or graffiti printed on, I want a design classic to be left alone. Augmenting a pair of All Stars is like putting a body kit and under floor lighting on a '65 Mustang, only a retard would miss the vulgarity of it. Perhaps I'm exaggerating a little here, after all I've seen worse "updates" to these trainers, but the key to the Chuck Taylor's overpowering appeal is it's simplicity and when you start adding extra straps or changing the material you're ruining what makes these trainers great, so- leave them alone.

the desert boot is well and truely back

Like a cyst these things have grown on me. It's taken me over a year for me to go from thinking Clarks Desert Boots are no better than a pair of Ugg boots to thinking these have to be the ultimate in utilitarian work wear. They have history, they are comfy as hell and they are very, very cool, better than this they come in a multitude of colours and materials so you can buy a pair without rocking up to the pub to find the barman wearing your treads. As well as the standard Des Boots you'll find in your local Clarks store there are also a few collaborations knocking about, so if you want something a little more exclusive and don't mind a little hunting then they are out there for you.

free stuff that won't end up pissing off the bin man

Too busy to even wash myself properly this week so sadly I'm going to be hasty and humourless.

Do you like free shit? Yeah me too, the amount of useless crap that I come home with to hold on to for for a week and then ditch into the nearest wheely bin is getting farcical. However this looks like it's worth a punt, Crooked Tongues are running a comp to win a pair of shoes a week for a year, that's 52 pairs of shoes, for bugger all! All the need to do is head down to the website, fill out the form and BOOYAH, you're entered into the prize draw.

Don't say I never treat you.