i went to a lesbian night and all i got was this AWESOME wristband

I went, with one of my friends (female- and yes it does matter), to a lesbian night last night. Obviously it was like being at an orgy. It wasn't, it was exactly how you'd expect a lesbian night to be: a lot of girls, the lesbians, hanging around dancing and occasionally kissing. As we all know porn is misleading and massively misrepresentative of lesbians, women, men, sex and dwarfs, so it didn't turn into an orgy where the erstwhile lesbians had a life changing epiphany and all wanted, no, needed to fuck me. All of them. At the same time. I wasn't disappointed, I was knackered- it would have finished me off.

Anyway I was pretty drunk, danced around like a prat and got even more drunk. The sexiest thing to happen was me taking a piss in the urinal while chatting to my friend (female- again it does matter) as she luxuriated on a chaise longue. Why there was a chaise longue in the boys toilets is beyond me, perhaps so people can luxuriate while someone takes a piss into the urinal.

It was a good night though, from what I can remember. What is better than my flakey memories, however, is the AWESOME wristband I got on entry. Look at it, how fucking great is that? Playtime. Plaaaaaaaaaaytime. What time is it? Playtime. Brilliant, this thing is worth the £7 entry fee alone. Plus it comes with a story, in reality not a great one but saying "Oh this? I got it on entry to a lesbian night I went to" and nothing more people, with even the blandest of imagination, will assume that it was pornesquely awesome.

So if you ever see me: ask me the time. Because it's Playtime, and always will be.

brian caissie- the vault 1995-2006

I really wish I had my skateboard still...

just because it's not your custom, it doesn't mean you have to sign a petition to end it

I'm outraged, publicly! First Baby P, then MP's expenses and now the mass produced plastic trumpet, where will it end?!

Public outrage comes in many flavors, this one is Diet Outrage, the kind that everyone's talking about, but no one get's fired and/or hung for. Nonetheless it's still as annoying. The players I get, the residents I get, the officials I get, but the fan watching in his living room 2000 miles away is not someone who needs to be getting outraged by the sound of a Vuvuzela. So, please World, chill out.

ugh, I'm back. and so are DEVO.

Ok it's hard for me to give a balanced review of DEVO because I love them so much, maybe more than life itself. Seriously though, when I heard that after 20 years of inactivity these New Wave mentalists were making a new album I was worried I might cum in my pants. Lukily for those sharing my tube ride to work this morning that didn't happen, but "Something For Everybody" is AMAZING.

"Credibility" and "The 80s" rarely go together, especially when you're talking about pop music. At a glance DEVO epitomise all that is hated about pop music in the 80s; the synthesizers, the costumes, the stupidity. Luckily for us though they had that indescribably creditability of people who truly believed they weren't being fucking ridiculous, and you have to respect that- look at Bowie. And all this has flowed over from 20 years ago into their new album, which, I may have mentioned, is amazing.

"Something For Everybody" hasn't lost that 80s New Waveyness that DEVO are known for, it's still there in bucket-loads, but has been refined and polished so you know you're not just listening to the same old pap from 20 years ago repackaged. The best thing about this album is it makes Calvin Harris look totally incompetent, I mean he already comes off as a talentless arse, but this album really hammers home the fact that you can pastiche the 80s without being a fucking joke. This album is so typically DEVO, it's well thought out and produced and has such a unique sound to it that it's totally unmistakable with it's almost child like social commentary. Though if you can't be arsed to listen to the lyrics it still makes for a rip roaringly good party album, so what more do you want?

Anyway, this album is far better than you are and owning it will make you a better person, so buy it, buy it, buy it, buy it, buy it, buy it, buy it......

rollio and glennliet

Holy-fuck-sticks-awesome. I've just piked this off Rachael's blog, who in turn saw it on the Urban Outfitters blog who in turn got it off.... look you can just buy it here.

Henry & Glenn Forever, resembling something to come out of my deepest fantasies, is the story of the hypothetical love between Henry Rollins and Glenn Danzig. The two punk-rock gods live next door to 80s soft-rock legends Hall and Oats, who are, by the way, satanists. The story charts the highs and lows of Henry and Glenn's love which, much like any good relationship, has "ultra-metal violence and cryfest diary entries, cringing self-doubt and mega-hilarious emo-meltdowns."

This thing looks mental, and I have to make comment on the illustration, in so much as neither Henry or Glenn look like Henry or Glenn. This aside it's $4 and I really want to read it, especially as Rollins is quoted on the back "Has Glenn seen this? Trust me, he would not be impressed."

i'll be back soon

Jury Duty, New York and a pizza induced body rash have left my blog a little sparse. I will be back soon, I promise!

regina vs hennes and mauritz

Right, jury duty is dull or disturbing and nothing in between. You're bored and want something -anything- to do, then you'll get a case and it'll be dull so you'll be bored and having to pay attention to boring things. Then that's over and you're just bored again, then you catch another case and it's Sexual Assault and your not bored anymore but upset and disturbed and you wish you were bored again. This last for two weeks and it's so tiring that you can't do anything when you get home so you're bored again until you fall asleep.

To break up to monotony I've been kicking around Leicester town center on my lunch, which in itself is a monotonous place but beats the hell out of the Crown Court jury pen which is indescribable, so I'll leave it at that. After going to a couple of slightly over priced vintage shops I made my way to H&M and then to Topman and bugger me bluntly if I wasn't immediately struck by the role reversal of the two. H&M was rack after rack of unwearable and cheap looking clothes none of which I wanted (bar the oversized, ragged, faux mohair jumper that I bought for £10 from the sale rail) Topman in comparison had some excellent denim, both jeans and shirts had be umming and arring the current state of my overdraft.

Sure Topman had it's share of dayglo t-shirts and studded belts but I really liked a good 1/4 of the stuff in there which wasn't ostentatiously cheap with over design, just good solid pieces and none too pricey. I would tend to only go into Topman if I needed a specific piece of clothing that I knew they stocked but now I could happily deck myself out in an entire outfit. Perhaps it's that high street fashion is now falling more into my boundaries of taste the last few seasons but there has definitely been substantial efforts made by Topman to keep up with current trends rather than being it's usual year+ behind.

It's a shame because H&M used to be a staple but they have really dropped the ball of late leaving it to Topman and UniQlo to fight over. My case in point is the only thing I found worthy of hard cash was in the sale rail and I wouldn't have spent over £10 on this jumper especially as I had to spend 10 minutes at home removing a hideous studded leather tag from the hem. Though it's not just that H&M is worse than it used to be it's also down to the top job Topman is now doing with it's menswear, if they could only sort out their fit...

cigarettes and a squint

As I may have mentioned before James Dean is one of the few truly great icons of the 20th Century. The actor come photographer come racing driver had indelible style and you'll struggle to find an image of Dean where he is looking anything less than.. well.. iconic. This is partly because Dean died before he was 25, leaving him no time to make a bad film or get fat or develop a penchant for tracksuits, and partly due to the great marketing job that was done for his image and films. Nonetheless there is no cigarette smoke without fire and marketing job or not Dean looks phenomenal on the screen and in print. He had a roguesque charm that was rough yet not scruffy, you can't imagine Dean in a suit yet you can't imagine him being turned away for dress code. Whether true or not you get a feeling that Dean didn't think too much about his look, it just sort of came together for him- the cigarettes, the squint, loose shirts and work boots. It's entirely possible that he had a personal stylist preening him into this carefree look, however I like to think that a man with that much charisma was capable of simply being that shit hot.







Dean also adds weight to the argument that to become an icon you have to do three things brilliantly then die. Kurt Cobain and Bruce Lee both followed the formula and Marlon Brando wishes he did. Instead Brando got fat and left an ugly corpse and unfortunately despite his younger days being studded with glittering performances he will always be remembered as the chubby, slurring Don Vito or the fat, reclusive Kurtz. So kids if you truly want to become iconic make three brilliant albumns/films/art works and then die, we're all waiting for Pete Doherty to.

you can almost smell the pipe smoke

Think you do a real job? Think you dress for it? Hell no. You ain't got a spot on NASA during the 60's. Look at these coiffed geniuses, hair as sharp as their calculations, changing the world one planet at a time. YOU disgust me, turning up for working in your pinstripe monstrosity. Bet you've never pulled a 48 hour shift to get 3 heroes home safe with nothing more than a calculator and a pack of smokes.

i love courtney

Courtney Love is stumbling mouth foaming with rabid spittle back into the public consciousness once more, announcing she is touring the UK with her legendary band Hole. Along with the new tour comes the now customary Twitter based spat with fellow celebrity- in this case, and to be fair in most cases, with Lily Allen. Hmmmmm now which side are we going to take on this boys and girls? The old, crazy, drug addled, mentalist icon of the 20th centuary or... Keith Allen's daughter? Yep that's right: I'm with Cobain's ex (obviously). I can forgive Courtney almost anything because... well... she's Courtney Love and Lily Allen really isn't, it is unbelievable though that these two fully grown women would be bickering like they would do anything for the attention. Oh, wait. The culmination of this Twitter-fit is the hilarious posting of unflattering pictures of each on their repective rivals Twitter page. Let's laugh at how ugly they both are-har-har-haaaaaaar.




Go see Hole, they are amazing. Don't see Lily Allen, she's proper rubbish, and has cellulite. See? Yuck.